If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
3pm strippers are depressing
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
