walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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