I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
