He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
