dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
