new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
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