i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Randomize
