there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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