Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
