tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Come on in and take your pants off
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