im drinking this country out of the recession.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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