My friends, they love my intelligence
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
