and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
