She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
