me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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