I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
