Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
