so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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