He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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