after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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