You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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