She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
