I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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