Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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