Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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