hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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