I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
