Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
