fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
