remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
