Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It was like getting head from an anaconda
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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