so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
