I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I look better un-naked...
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
