I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
