i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so let's talk penis.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
