I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
