she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
