Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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