God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
