the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
