Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
