If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
It's just like the Real World with babies
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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