There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
