He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
