If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
