We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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