Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
