my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
