so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
