My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
How external is "for external use only"?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
