He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Randomize
