He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
