is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
