I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Randomize
